relaxing into well being (a story, part 1)By
Letting go of human mind is directly proportional to one’s ability to relax and Trust in Well Being. Life transformation is simple; I never said it was easy. If you, like me, have been working, working, working at having the life you want and find yourself exactly where you’ve always been, then it’s not that the Universe isn’t answering you, because it is. It is simply that we keep creating the same conditions over and over again like n the movie, Groundhog Day. Conclusion: there’s a persistent belief in the black box of human mind that dis-allows your relaxing into Well Being so you can realize what you want. Allow me to share my story with you…
I recently realized that this was the case with myself. So in Applied Spirituality theory, I’m supposed to “play”, “relax”, and “have fun”. Do I believe that’s right and natural? Check. That belief feels right to me, but then I spend 12 hours a day working with my face buried in the computer, writing articles and posts, learning the technology, studying myriad subjects but never really paying attention to HOW I FEEL when I’m doing all this. I just do it. So accustomed am I (habituated) to the work ethic: head-down and sacrifice now for the future. I couldn’t see my own forest for the trees until the negative feeling became so big that I could no longer miss it.
I experienced myself less enthusiastic, less eager, and really not accomplishing much. Yes, I still be worked 12 hours a day, but without results and admittedly not much fun. I wasn’t playing either outside work nor within the work. It had become dull and lifeless to me. Slowly I realized this. And when I finally did, it felt like a powerless place to me – dead end. Now what do I do?
The box my human mind had cornered me into was this: if I wasn’t working, then I felt guilty playing. Deeper than that, however, was another operating belief: amount of work=amount of my worth. Ye gads. So I was in a bind – you know, that proverbial rock and hardplace that I write about. There I was. My human mind blathering about I’m only valuable if I’m working hard and my Self telling me to play, play, play and enjoy my life and through that attitude of joy, everything I want would come. My human mind, naturally, was sneering that that proposition.
Yet, the observable evidence was irrefutable. Working hard without joy was getting me nowhere. I was NOT happy. Something had to change; and it wasn’t something in the physical world of doing, because I’d been “doing” a lot. I had to let go…of what? I had to change something, but what? I had to let go of my human mind belief that work=my value; but then my human mind kept saying that if I stop working so hard, then what? Where will the dollars come from? This was a Trust issue. Clearly a rubber meets the road Waterloo moment. Just me and Me. Which would I choose?
When I listened to ‘me’ I already knew the outcome because I was living that: unhappy, lifeless, and going nowhere fast. When I listened to “Me”, I wanted to believe that all my Good would come if I could relax into Well Being and play. I realized my resistance to going there was because I didn’t Trust. Oh boy! So clearly I knew the direction I wanted to go – I wanted to be enjoying my life and abundant. In order to do so, I would have to TRUST. My human mind wanted me to think it was either/or…my Big Self knew the Truth.
Visions of the old parable, the Grasshopper and the Ant came roaring back. More human mind programming. I was literally assailed by my human mind ego to warn me off from even considering what Me was proposing – go play. Whilst Me sat quietly and patiently awaiting my arrival, not trying to entice me, but waiting for me to allow It. My human mind suggested I work at deliberate creation processes. Work. Work. Work!!!! I did, for awhile, and then stopped. My knowing is that life is natural. The birds don’t work for their worms; my garden is growing outrageously without any efforting. The planet spins on its axis quite well, the sun comes up every single day without any effort. Then life, my life, should be effortless as well.
My pea brain was unrelenting…”Allow? ALLOW??? No Effort??? Are you NUTS? You can’t let up for a minute! You’ll go broke. You’ll be lost forever! Work! Work! Work. That’s the way. That’s the ticket. It’s the way it’s done’ it’s the way it’s always been done.”
And so it went for weeks…with me walking the line between them. Not really working; and not really allowing. The results…the same in the physical world. Not much progress; not falling backwards…just unsatisfying mediocrity. Yuck!
Clearly I had reached a personal place within me that was illuminating the next place I had to LET GO in order to move forward, to evolve and expand. I had to relax into Well Being. I had to Trust at a deeper level; and in order to do so…I had to let go. Oh arg, arg, arg! Have you ever seen a kid at the swimming pool up on the diving board for the first time? He wants to dive in or jump in, but he can’t…yet. The line of kids getting longer behind him as he is stuck between his desire and his fear. Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no……Well consider that a good picture of where I’ve been.
I’m telling you all this in the gory detail, because this is an example of how it happens within all of us. The bind. Leap into faith and trust (and be ruined according to the human mind) or stay the course and be miserable. When I could at last see the choice to be made clearly, it was fairly simple. I didn’t want to live a mediocre life. I never have and I never will. So that propelled me to consider: what it would take for me to relax and Trust into Well Being.
Every been here? Tell me your thoughts and experience. I’d love to hear from you!
to be continued…